Discover How to Say "Yes" To Yourself Without Feeling Guilty

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“Oh, by the way, you don’t mind taking care of one more thing, do you?” Ah, a phrase that many of you recognize from clients, friends, and family.  Usually, this phrase comes with an expectation of a “yes”, an immediate answer, or both.  In those few seconds you either feel your mood deflate faster than a popped balloon or, your stomach gives off happy butterflies.  Which one is it?  And how do you make sure that whatever answer you give is aligned with your professional or personal boundaries?  In this blog, I’ll share with you what you can do now to start saying “no” without feeling guilty.

Why Does Boundary Setting Matter?

When someone steps on our toes it hurts and when we overextend ourselves by promising too much or fearing to say “no” it can lead to painful consequences.   You don’t want the increased stress levels that lead to feeling overwhelmed by your never-ending “to-do” list.  Has it been a while since you’ve thought out your strategy to take action so that you can make decisions that are right for you and your circumstances?  Do you feel guilty about saying “no” yet don’t stop to consider what saying “yes” to yourself may mean to your well-being?  Take a quiet moment to write down what activities get you down and what activities light you up.  Are there things that you can push out of your life so that you can add in the good stuff?  Make a list and strategize how you can start with one change such as saying “no” to a girl's night out when all you want to do is get some rest.

Know What to Answer Before You Even Get the Question

If you work with others in a professional capacity as, for example, a coach or service provider, it doesn’t take long to understand the kinds of requests that you feel comfortable with and those that cause your shoulders to slump in defeat.  Many of us have been taught to give answers right away so that we appear knowledgeable, helpful, and polite.  However, sometimes we need to hold a little “space” for ourselves so that we have time to consider what we truly feel comfortable with an answer.  What do I mean by “space”?  I mean time to think and do a gut check so that when we come back with a reply it feels confident and comfortable rather than meek and miserable.  Do you struggle to come up with the right words to express yourself?  I’m happy to share with you a bundle of boundary scripts which are an easy and effective way to reduce stress so that you can confidently create a more harmonious professional and personal lifestyle.  You can find the scripts here. 

Build Confidence and Grace

Speaking of confidence and grace, keep in mind that this is what you’re striving for.  Not just for yourself, but also by being aware of and respecting the boundaries of others.  Respecting boundaries is a two-way road, and while it can be a bumpy ride while you’re on it, it will get smoother as you keep at it.  At the end of the day, most of you want to be confident in expressing your feelings and opinions so that you can make decisions that are best for you.  That takes practice so don’t feel discouraged if you find it difficult at first.  If your struggle with boundaries runs deep, please get in touch with a professional who can help you.

One last thing.  Don’t forget to say “yes”!  “Yes” to projects you feel confident about, activities that energize you, and joyful times to hang out with family and friends.